Last week’s post, Dating – The Ugly Truth investigated the negative side to dating apps. Specifically looking at how it is easy to hide behind an online identity and get away with damaging behaviour.
However there are still more issues to discuss to determine the digital impact on dating and whether we should consider this effect to be a positive or negative one.
Is it superficial?
Dating apps primarily work by appearance. Users make a quick judgment to swipe left (dislike) or swipe right (like) based on someone’s profile picture. This automatically makes it a superficial platform as people are judging you on what you look like. Using dating apps like this imitates behaviour that is similar to choosing something off a menu and creates an idea that people are disposable.
Although dating apps like Tinder allow you to add a short bio (however I have seen some questionable ones in the past, like “I held a chicken once”… that was a swipe right from me). Some allow you to add an “anthem” by linking to your Spotify account, and you can also link your other social media accounts to your profile, like Instagram and Facebook, which does help you to get an all round impression of them. But it still presents issues with authenticity, as these profiles are manufactured and not a 100% true representation of a person and people are still judging you based on your appearance.
But is there a stigma around online dating?
In 2016, a poll asked whether people agreed with the statement “people who use online dating sites are desperate”. The results showed that 23% of people did agree which is quite surprising. Considering how many people find partners online and ultimately end up in healthy and successful relationships, there still appears to be a stigma attached to online dating. But why, in a world where we use an app for everything, are we embarrassed about using it to find a romantic relationship?
No one can just say hello anymore
*Rolls eyes* You know how it goes, you get a few matches and NO ONE can just say “hello”. Of course they can initiate a conversation but God forbid they start it with a hello, that’s just boring. I asked friends to tell me some of their unique conversation starters and their answers ranged from
“Do you like bread?”“You have nice teeth”“Cats or dogs, lions or tigers, hot or cold… yours or mine?”“Hey how’s it going? I would offer to take you to the cinema but they don’t let you in with a snack”
And sometimes it’s the less they say the better…
I mean call me old fashioned but what’s wrong with “hey, how are you?”
Non commitment culture
A look at the modern age of dating reveals that attitudes towards commitment have changed. People seem to be postponing marriage and serious relationships, instead preferring casual relationships.
“What we’re seeing is a real extension of the pre-commitment stage before we tie the knot. Where marriage used to be the beginning of a relationship, now it’s the finale” – Gabrielle Savoie
Instead of getting into relationships, people are getting into “situationships”, not quite knowing their relationship status. Avoiding labels, instead settling for “this girl I’m talking to” and “this guy I have a thing with”.
It begs the question, have dating apps played a part in this? This also echoes the “grass is greener” attitude, that people are keeping their options open before committing to one person. So maybe dating apps are not guaranteed to help you find a successful long term relationship.
…What now?
Dating apps are still relatively new in the grand scheme of things and we are in uncharted territory. It is important to consider that without face -to- face contact, is it really possible to replace traditional dating with digital media? The future of dating is unclear, however due to the increase in accessibility to the Internet we could be seeing the beginning of a much larger movement from traditional to digital dating. Next week’s post is about relationships living online and the role the Internet has on establishing and maintaining relationships, so make sure to keep an eye out for that!
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