2018 / Beth

Tinder: A Love Story

Sunday, 30 December 2018

This blog post was created for a uni project where I looked at the digital effect on dating which I entitled "The Digital Love Revolution." The link to the original post & Wordpress site is below. I am really proud of this work and achieved a first overall for the assignment.

http://www.blogs2018.buprojects.uk/bethanywalton/

Over the past five weeks, we’ve looked at the reality of dating apps and how they compare to traditional dating.

Undeniably dating has changed and love in the digital and modern age is a complex idea. Although it is impossible to assume that everyone has the same experience but for some, it has introduced them to “the one” (yep, I said it.)

It is estimated that by 2040, 70% of people will have met their significant other online. Which is pretty impressive, E.Harmony also found that 20% of current, commintted relationships began online. While only 9% of women reported finding a successful relationship at a bar or club.

With that in mind I reached out to hear successful Tinder stories. To spread the love and restore our faith in the digital world of dating.

Charlotte & Oliver

Adorably named the “petite and tall passenger”, Charlotte and her boyfriend Oliver are both travel bloggers. Although they have both travelled the world separately, their love story began on Tinder back in their cosy home town in Cornwall.

They instantly connected over their love of travelling, and after a day of talking they went on their first date. After 10 minutes Oliver asked Charlotte “where have you been all my life!?”

It was a first internet date for both of them, and Charlotte said she “kicked herself for not trying Tinder sooner”. Now after 10 months, they have travelled Morocco and Greece together and have plans to travel some more next year…

“I can’t imagine sharing my dreams with anyone better.” – Charlotte

Goals?! Am I right?!

Emily & Arek

Just over a year ago Emily met her boyfriend Arek for the first time after matching on Tinder. Emily said when they met they clicked instantly and have been inseparable ever since. They have now moved into their own home and are still just as happy as the day we met and there’s no signs of it stopping. Considering the success of their relationship through Tinder, I asked Emily if she would recommend it to others…

“I feel like Tinder has such a bad reputation because it’s known for one night stands, but you have to make your own opinion from your own experiences, not what other people say.”

Benney & Oli

I asked Benney about her experience using Tinder, and she said although it was a good one, sometimes it can be difficult to find someone who is interested in a relationship. However, Benney matched with her boyfriend Oli on Tinder back in 2015. They spoke for a few weeks before eventually meeting up and going on their first date. Now they have been together for three and a half years and haven’t looked back!

Gabi & Lloyd

Gabi met her boyfriend Lloyd after a few weeks on Tinder. Obviously it was meant to be because Lloyd was planning on deleting Tinder but met Gabi just in time and now they have been together for a year.

“I can truly say that I have never had such a happy and respectful relationship before.” – Gabi

I asked Gabi if she would recommend Tinder to others. Although she said she feels tremendously lucky to have met Lloyd, it took a while and a few different dates before she found someone she clicked with. Her advice would be “to keep looking and be patient with those swipes!”

Finn & Leila

Finn met his girlfriend Leila through social media. They followed each other on Instagram and after a few exchanged messages carried the conversation over on Snapchat. After chatting everyday, they met up in a local cafe and clicked instantly, chatting for hours and hours.

Three years later, Finn and Leila are still together and very much in love. Finn is totally smitten and insists that

“social media is a great way to meet people, so long as you’re honest and true to yourself and you use it safely then I think it’s brilliant! Would definitely recommend it!”

Although they didn’t meet on Tinder, I thought their love story was too cute not to share and demonstrates the power of social media in bringing people together.

Well done Internet – Go You!

Gif of Will Ferrel celebrating — Source – Giphy.com

Online dating has revolutionised the way we look for love and how we interact with each other. The digital effect on dating has been vast and impressive, we can only expect it to grow and improve over time. The future of dating is undeniably in the hands of the Internet but is that necessarily a bad thing? It allows people to meet people they previously wouldn’t have met, saves time and ultimately leads to successful relationships. On that note, excuse me while I go and download Tinder to see for myself…

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Do Relationships Live Online?

Sunday, 23 December 2018

No attribution required, from Pexels.com

http://www.blogs2018.buprojects.uk/bethanywalton/

In a world where communication is mediated by screens, can we ever truly find intimacy in the digital world?

Recently we have delved into the notion that relationships begin online. Through the introduction of dating apps and the positive and negative effects these have had on modern day dating. This week I was lucky enough to be joined by two friends Jade and Steph to discuss the concept of relationships living online. It is important to consider in modern day that our society use the Internet to begin and maintain a relationship. In this podcast we discuss the idea that “relationships live online”.

Stick the kettle on, make a brew and have a listen below…

You have been listening to –

I would love to know what you think, carry on the discussion over on Twitter or leave a comment below.

Thank you for listening, see you next week!

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The Dawn of The Dating Apocalypse

Sunday, 16 December 2018

Last week’s post, Dating – The Ugly Truth investigated the negative side to dating apps. Specifically looking at how it is easy to hide behind an online identity and get away with damaging behaviour.

However there are still more issues to discuss to determine the digital impact on dating and whether we should consider this effect to be a positive or negative one.

Person scrolling on their phone — Source- Giphy.com

Is it superficial?

Dating apps primarily work by appearance. Users make a quick judgment to swipe left (dislike) or swipe right (like) based on someone’s profile picture. This automatically makes it a superficial platform as people are judging you on what you look like. Using dating apps like this imitates behaviour that is similar to choosing something off a menu and creates an idea that people are disposable.

Although dating apps like Tinder allow you to add a short bio (however I have seen some questionable ones in the past, like “I held a chicken once”… that was a swipe right from me). Some allow you to add an “anthem” by linking to your Spotify account, and you can also link your other social media accounts to your profile, like Instagram and Facebook, which does help you to get an all round impression of them. But it still presents issues with authenticity, as these profiles are manufactured and not a 100% true representation of a person and people are still judging you based on your appearance.

But is there a stigma around online dating?

In 2016, a poll asked whether people agreed with the statement “people who use online dating sites are desperate”. The results showed that 23% of people did agree which is quite surprising. Considering how many people find partners online and ultimately end up in healthy and successful relationships, there still appears to be a stigma attached to online dating. But why, in a world where we use an app for everything, are we embarrassed about using it to find a romantic relationship?

Joey from Friends saying — Source- Giphy.com

No one can just say hello anymore

*Rolls eyes* You know how it goes, you get a few matches and NO ONE can just say “hello”. Of course they can initiate a conversation but God forbid they start it with a hello, that’s just boring. I asked friends to tell me some of their unique conversation starters and their answers ranged from

“Do you like bread?”

“You have nice teeth”

“Cats or dogs, lions or tigers, hot or cold… yours or mine?”
“Hey how’s it going? I would offer to take you to the cinema but they don’t let you in with a snack”

And sometimes it’s the less they say the better…

I mean call me old fashioned but what’s wrong with “hey, how are you?”

Non commitment culture

A look at the modern age of dating reveals that attitudes towards commitment have changed. People seem to be postponing marriage and serious relationships, instead preferring casual relationships.

“What we’re seeing is a real extension of the pre-commitment stage before we tie the knot. Where marriage used to be the beginning of a relationship, now it’s the finale” – Gabrielle Savoie

Instead of getting into relationships, people are getting into “situationships”, not quite knowing their relationship status. Avoiding labels, instead settling for “this girl I’m talking to” and “this guy I have a thing with”.

It begs the question, have dating apps played a part in this? This also echoes the “grass is greener” attitude, that people are keeping their options open before committing to one person. So maybe dating apps are not guaranteed to help you find a successful long term relationship.

https://media.giphy.com/media/6uGhT1O4sxpi8/giphy.gif — Source- Giphy.com

…What now?

Dating apps are still relatively new in the grand scheme of things and we are in uncharted territory. It is important to consider that without face -to- face contact, is it really possible to replace traditional dating with digital media? The future of dating is unclear, however due to the increase in accessibility to the Internet we could be seeing the beginning of a much larger movement from traditional to digital dating. Next week’s post is about relationships living online and the role the Internet has on establishing and maintaining relationships, so make sure to keep an eye out for that!

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Dating Apps: The Ugly Truth

Sunday, 9 December 2018

Here we consider some of the problems that dating apps have presented:

Woman saying trust no one, swipe left — Source – Giphy.com

Catfishing

No, this doesn’t have anything to do with actual fishing. Instead, it means to lure someone into a relationship under false pretences. A survey conducted by OpinionMatters found that 53% of US participants admitted to lying on their dating profile. For example, using a false persona and fake- images. People lie about their age, weight, height, and relationship status.

I think everyone has probably heard a story of their mum’s friend of a friend, who went on a Match.com date, and turns out their date had used a photo of themselves from 10 years ago and they had not exactly aged like a fine wine. But Catfishing can take a more serious turn when people lie about being celebrities and fabricate entire online relationships with unsuspecting people.

An example of this was when someone thought they were dating Katy Perry for six years. Instead, the person they were really talking to was a Canadian woman living in England pretending to be Katy Perry, creepy right?! The uncovering of this case was shown on Catfish: The TV Show. Highlighting that anyone can be fooled by an Internet persona.

People feel like they have been lied to. Meeting someone who is not who they initially presented themselves as online. It is easy to be disingenuous online, from using old photos or adopting a different, more confident, interesting persona. There is no one monitoring your online account to make sure you are telling the truth all the time. How can we be 100% sure who we are talking to is who they say they are. One dating app trying to overcome this problem is PriveTalk, which prides itself in having “real users with verified pictures” eliminating the possibility of catfishing… yay!

Ghosting

Due to the nature of social media and dating apps, it is really easy to just cut off all contact by deleting accounts and “disappearing.” You may have been talking to someone for a while, or even met up a few times, and out of no-where, they stop all contact. This is known as “ghosting” and is pretty prevalent in online dating.

As easy it is to find someone online, it is to get rid of them. It is possible that people think the person they are talking to on a virtual platform is not real; therefore it is easier to just ignore them than admit that you weren’t feeling it.

The “Grass is Greener” Attitude

We’ve acknowledged that people lie on their online dating profiles. It is also not uncommon for people to lie about their relationship status. How many times have you come across a friend’s boyfriend on Tinder..? Awkward.

It seems like some people don’t want to miss out and might find something better online. Like they are just keeping their options open. It’s as if something was to go wrong with their current partner, they have a back-up option. One study showed that 30% of Tinder users are actually married. Demonstrating that dating apps provide a source of temptation to be unfaithful in a relationship.

Not only that, but it is not uncommon that users will be talking to or dating multiple people at the same time.

“There are so many people available to you at any given time that most people end up dating/ seeing multiple people at the same time” – The Independent.

Suggesting that with so many “options” available, it is difficult for one person to commit as they feel like there is always someone better * rolls eyes *.

Tinder equals sex, right?!

Last week’s post Dating and The Tinder Effect looked at how Tinder has promoted a “hook-up culture”. That people assume that they can find someone to have sex with in no time at all.

I asked people for their own experiences with Tinder in order to understand the digital age of dating. Most of them agreed that people of Tinder presume you’re only on there for one thing. Many people also stated they received many explicit messages which put them off using dating apps. The results of the poll are below.

Although dating apps do place a convenience to meeting someone online and you may not have met otherwise. It also gives room to misinterpretation and unwanted sexual propositions. It’s like some people use Tinder and other dating sites as a digital marketplace for sex and ignore that some people may be after something more substantial.

Dating apps do allow people to meet people outside of their social circles and geographic location, unfortunately it is not always a positive experience. The world of digital dating can be extensive and exhausting, so maybe finding love at first swipe isn’t as easy going as we first thought.

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Dating and the Tinder Effect

Monday, 3 December 2018

http://www.blogs2018.buprojects.uk/bethanywalton/

Jessica Massa wrote in 2013 that “traditional dating as we know it is dead”. To define the term “date” in the modern day as a candle-lit dinner seems as obsolete as dial-up Internet. Nowadays people connect through digital dating apps and social media. Gone are the days of your crush ringing the landline to sheepishly ask you out. Instead replaced with a casual “Netflix and chill?” text.

If I were to ask my Grandparents how they met, they would tell me they met dancing and fell in love, before getting married shortly after. I don’t know about you, but I don’t know anyone who dances. I’m talking of the ballroom type and not what you might see in Cameo on a Wednesday night. However, you may know a few people who use the dating app, Tinder.

Ok, so you may know what Tinder is but let’s look at some facts quickly.

If you were to ask anyone to name a dating app, most people would probably say Tinder. Launched in 2012 and has now seen a staggering 20 billion matches to date. Tinder is one of the world’s most popular dating apps. It is a location-based dating app, which allows users to match with people based on a few pictures and a short bio. It is best known for its swipe right (to like) or swipe left (dislike) feature. Primarily used by 16-24-year-olds, finding a partner has never been easier. Tinder and other dating apps, boast an abundance of single people at the touch of your phone.

Finding a potential partner is now as quick and easy as finding a cheap holiday to Alicante.

However, people against online dating would argue that these interactions are superficial and treat people like objects in a transaction. A MyDomaine article states “They’re changing our norms, making us ruder, flakier, and more self-involved”. In 2018, we have an app for everything, from social networking to banking to shopping to checking the weather. Why should we expect dating to stay in real life only? Although, people’s intentions are not always to find a long-term partner on these apps. It is argued that the fast-paced nature of dating apps, contribute to a “hook up” culture. Alex, 25, agrees that using dating apps allows you to talk to several girls at once, and said:

“I can go on my phone right now and no doubt, find someone I can have sex with this evening, probably before midnight”.

This attitude contributes to the notion that romance is dead. Suggesting that dating apps allow users to view their matches as simple transactions.

Although, advertising yourself as “single and ready to mingle” (if you will) is nothing new.

You probably won’t be looking in the lonely-hearts ads in your local newspaper, but is it really much different? Dating apps allow for you to say a little about yourself and choose your most flattering photos to “advertise” yourself to potential partners. It could be argued that users feel empowered, as it lets them state what they are looking for, and meet and talk to people on a safe virtual platform.

Besides, how different is Tinder to real life anyway?

Usually you don’t have someone swiping you left or right in a bar (well, I hope not anyway). But it does emulate real life… in a way. Is it really any different from being in a bar, and talking to someone, based on how physically attractive you find them? Dating digitally just saves you time and money. Times have changed since our grandparent’s generation, so it is expected that dating has also changed drastically in order to keep up in a face paced 21st-century society. Who really wants to go ballroom dancing anyway?

It’s not all bad.

A number of studies estimate that over 40% of relationships start online and over 70% of LGBTQI relationships come from meeting on a dating app. It allows people who may not feel comfortable with meeting new people in the real world to be authentic online and serves a greater purpose than just a “hook up” app.

Instead of pining for the way things used to be, maybe its time to embrace dating digitally and accept that it fits in with 21st-century life. Where all our needs are met on our smart devices, just as easy it is to watch the new episode of Suits, it is to find a potential partner. On that note… Netflix and chill anyone?

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